Two Sides of the Same Coin
by blackhairedgirls
Summary: Reina took the things Kumiko said at the middle school competition seriously. She went to a school with good band to avoid people like Kumiko but still met the girl there. A story in Reina's POV.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Winter is supposed to be over but the cold is still unbearable, it's the first day of school and I'm wearing my new winter uniform that is too cute for a serious and stoic person like me. Today, I'll be attending a high school that is popular for its band, I don't really care about other people but since this school's band never fails to win the Regional Competition, then I'm guessing the members are serious enough about the competition. That's right, that is exactly what I need, passionate band mates that will be with me at the Nationals. After all, you cannot perform in an ensemble alone. As much as I hate it, I need other people to accomplish my goal, to become special.

While thinking about the new band I'll be joining this year, I reached my new classroom. Class 1-A, an advanced class consisting of intelligent students, it's not a surprise that I'm here since I got the highest score in the entrance exam. Just because I'm pursuing the music industry doesn't mean I'll let my grades drop, I need to study hard too, it's a part of being special.

When the bell rang, the teacher started taking attendance. But it's not just that, she told us to introduce ourselves too. What a pain.

My new classmates introduced themselves, some tried to be funny and cute, and there are even some who took about 10 minutes to do it. It was so boring I could die.

" _What the hell? Just say your name and that's that."_

"Kousaka Reina" After hearing my name, I stood up.

"Yes. I am Kousaka Reina"

After that simple introduction, I sat on my chair. I didn't even say the usual "Nice to meet you" to the class, well it wasn't really nice meeting them and I don't lie.

As expected, the class starts murmuring. They're probably saying bad things about me but I don't care, I just want this to end.

"Ding dong"

Finally. I walked out of the classroom. I can finally go to the music room.

I want to play my trumpet already. This time, I'm going to play with strong willed people.

" _Did you really think we could make the nationals?"_

A sudden feeling of irritation. I can feel it, the anger building inside me once again.

Why is it that when I try to be optimistic I suddenly remember things like this?

 _I can hear my band mates cheering. They are really happy, it's the district competition and we won gold. But that's just it, we got gold, we didn't make the Regionals._

" _We got gold!" "I'm so happy!"_

 _What the hell? Are they crazy? Is getting gold our goal in here? No, it's not! This isn't what we promised to accomplish._

 _Damn it, it's so irritating it made me cry, it's so irritating I could die._

" _Kousaka-san?" You're happy enough to cry, huh. Congratulations, we got gold."_

 _As if she intended to put salt in my wounds, the girl beside me congratulated me._

 _I'm not the type to complain but.._

" _I'm upset. I'm so upset I could die. Why are people happy when we didn't even make it? Weren't we shooting for the Nationals?"_

" _Eh? Did you really think we could make the Nationals?"_

 _Wha-_

 _Horrible. Horrible, horrible, horrible!_

 _If she planned to upset me even more, then she succeeded._

" _Aren't you upset? I'm upset, I'm totally upset!"_

Ah, I was a mess that time. I'm usually calm and collected but I think I've thought of hitting her back then.

I can't help but blame people like her who are not serious about making it to the nationals. I did my best, but it was just me, other people are just playing for fun, they weren't even thinking of advancing to the next level.

Playing for fun? Making memories? Do that somewhere else.

A competition is for people who are committed to what they do.

When I arrived at the music room, I saw the upperclassmen guiding the freshmen. They are mostly just evaluating the newcomer's skills though, since this is a popular band, most of the new entrants are already experienced.

"Attention! For you freshmen who want to join us, kindly go to the section leader of your desired instrument section and fill out the application form."

Trumpet, trumpet, Ah there it is!

"Kousaka-san?"

That voice. No, it can't be. It can't be, right?

"It really is you, Kousaka-san. Well, you are really good, it's expected that you're here"

"Oumae-san"

"Ah, I'm so glad to see a familiar face here. I thought I'm the only person from our middle school that came to this school"

Huh? What is this girl saying? She didn't know I'm here?

"I gave a speech earlier at the opening ceremony."

"Eh? You were the first year representative?! I didn't know! I was late today, it sucks! My alarm clock was broken. "

As expected from this girl. Laid back as ever.

And why the hell is she here?

I didn't want to have a long talk with her so I didn't ask.

"Is that so?"

"A-ah, yeah"

She might have felt my disinterest in our conversation. I walked towards the trumpet section without saying anything. She's the last person I wanted and expected to meet here. Just why is she here?

While filling out the application form, I can't help but glance at the bass section. The girl I never wanted to see is there, holding the euphonium while chatting with the other new first years.

You're supposed to practice you know.

But I see now, so she already made friends with the others, it must be the reason why she's here. To play friends while doing her hobby. People like her really disgust me.

"Okay everyone! That's it for today, practice starts tomorrow! Please be careful on your way home!"

So we're not gonna practice today. What a pity. I packed my things and started walking.

"Kousaka-san!"

Eh? Am I hearing things?

"Kousaka-san!"

Looks like I'm not. Walk, don't look back.

"W-wait! Kousaka-san!"

Walk, walk. You didn't hear a thing, Reina.

"Kousaka-san! Are you doing this on purpose?"

She's right behind me. So the pretending-i-didn't-hear-her thing didn't work huh.

"What do you want?"

"You're going home right? Let's go together"

"Why?"

"Eh? Just because."

That's not really a reason but whatever.

"Do what you want"

I walked silently while she's behind me. I don't really get people like her, you're being upfront about not wanting to have anything to do with anyone and yet they're still reaching out to you.

"Ah, you two!"

I looked behind me to see the source of the voice. Oumae-san did the same.

"Asuka-senpai" Oumae-san uttered.

I remember this girl. She's the bass section leader. I think.

"Good thing I caught up with you guys. I made a silly mistake, letting the first years to go home early when there are still so much things left to do"

"Things?"

"That's right! Fun things!"

"Waaa really?!" Oumae-san said excitedly.

"Really! Now let's go! Come with me"

I had no choice but to follow the two euphonium players, I didn't even had to chance to say a word and yet here I am, walking back to the music room.

'Ta-dah! Let's move these heavy instruments back to the storage room!"

Ah. Seriously? So this is what I get for associating with the laid back Oumae-san. I mean, it's not like I'm not up for it, I am a freshman and I'm supposed to help with works like this but there's just three of us here and we are all girls. I don't really think we can carry these instruments.

"What? You call this "fun things" senpai?"

"That's right! We are going to spend our time with these instruments. Isn't that fun, Oumae-chan?"

"Fun? Aren't you just saying that to make us do all these work for y-"

Oumae-san immediately stopped herself from talking. It was too late though.

"Haha that's so rude, Oumae-chan! But don't cha worry! Just because I'm a senpai doesn't mean I'll let you do the job alone! We'll do this together!"

"R-right"

I started moving the instruments. Listening to their banter wouldn't make this work finish faster.

"See? Even your little friend is enjoying this! Now now, let's get to work!"

* * *

Ahhhhhhhhh that was so tiring! Other freshmen have already gone home and yet the two of us are just on our way to the station, sweating and really tired, it was really unfair.

"Ah! That was so tiring! Asuka-senpai was so unfair, right?"

I looked at the girl beside me. She really likes to blurt things out. I don't think it's a bad thing though.

"Yeah, but it's our responsibility too"

"Waaa"

"What?"

"You spoke to me."

"Yeah. So, what?"

"Ehehehe. Nothing, I just thought that you hate me or something"

"Well, I can't say you're wrong about that"

"Ehh? You're hurting me here Kousaka-san"

"I…."

"Hmm?"

I don't really like talking to this girl. She's the very reason I came to this school, with the hope of meeting people that are complete opposite of her. But it seems like fate is never on my side. Did she come here because this school is popular? Because the uniform is cute? Or is she's chasing someone, her crush maybe?

I just can't think of any good reason why she came to this school. And she even joined the band. For what purpose? This is none of my business but..

"Ah-"

"Kousaka-san?"

Curiosity kills but still, I want to know.

"Why are you here?"

I may have asked that to myself a hundred times already.

"Huh?"

"Why are you here? Why did you come to this school? Why did you join the band?"

Tell me, I want to know. Your reason may just disconcert me but I still want to know. Hoping to make the Nationals is out of the question, right?

"Why, you say. Because I want to make it to the Nationals"

"….."

If this is a dream, mom, dad, please wake me up. This nightmare could kill me.

"Huh?!"

"Huh?"

"You're kidding, right?"

"Eh? I'm not, though. K-kousaka-san? Are you alright?"

EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?! Is this girl serious?! No, no she's probably just joking. There's just no way!

"I-I am asking you seriously, Oumae-san"

"I know. Do you think I'm making fun of you?"

"Yes! What you just said didn't make sense at all. Making it to the nationals? Are you serious?! At the middle school district competition, you asked me if I seriously thought we could make the nationals. And you're saying that now?"

That may be the longest line I have ever said to someone.

"Oh, that. You still remember it, Kousaka-san?"

What the hell. I took it too seriously you know. That was a big deal for me. Terrible. This girl's personality is really terrible.

"Oumae-san"

I am running out of patient.

"Maybe you consider playing at the band as just a hobby but there are people who are serious about it, you know. You may not know it, but some of your band mates are planning to pursue the music industry. Their future is on the line"

"Kousaka-san, I don't know what you think of me but just like you, I want to make it to the Nationals too. I have always wanted that to happen. Have you ever seen me slack off on our practices? Never, right? Because you were too focus on yourself. "

Yeah, I actually never paid attention to my band mates. I was naïve to think that if I did my best, then everything will be alright.

"Back then, I am aware that we have band members that are just doing band for fun. That's why I never expected to make it to nationals, or even just the regionals. I misunderstood you, though. I really thought you were happy about getting dud gold. Ehehe"

It's not sinking in. I just can't accept those words. I hated her a lot, to the point of thinking of hitting her. But I misunderstood everything? She desires the same thing as mine?

Oumae-san walked towards me. I don't really know what she intends to do but I can't move, I found myself enthralled by the sight of her face getting closer and closer to mine until we were inches apart. Her lips then formed a delightful smile.

"Let's make it to nationals, Kousaka-san"

"R-right"

In that very moment, she caught my interest. I always thought that people are boring that's why I never try to understand them but..

"Ah! It's really cold. I will take a bath right away when I got home. Let's go Kousaka-san!"

This girl is interesting, after all.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It was a chilly afternoon. Class ended earlier than usual, some students already went home, some stayed at school either to hangout or to do club activities. I stayed for the latter of course, attending classes is important but this time of the day is my favorite. I bet it's the same for my fellow other students because the so-called "after class" is what most of us considered "high school life". Youth, once a person became a high school student, thus the start of the most exciting stage of life called youth. But it's definitely not because of the new curriculum or other related high school learning materials, it's because of the affairs after class.

' _Hey! Hey, wanna go to Karaoke?', 'Let's go shop at 109 after class!', 'I have a date with someone-kun after class, I'm so excited!'_ Those are just some of many typical lines you will hear after the bell rang signaling the end of the class. 80% are female in my class so I often hear them talking about things I have never done in my entire life and probably never will. But I am not a member of the 'go home club', I joined the band so it's normal for me not to experience those things, right? Right? Okay I give up, without the club, maybe home is my only destination after class.

So it's a good thing I have the band, well it's a boring club in the eyes of those ignorant people who considered dating and hanging out with friends after school the only fun things in life. I remembered being called a nerd by a girl back in middle school. I never knew why she hated me so much though.

I opened the case I've been holding for a while now. Inside was a gold trumpet my father gave me when I was still a child, it doesn't look that old because I have been taking care and treasuring it since forever, I got too attached to it that I think I play twice better when it's the one I'm playing instead of other trumpets.

Then I looked at the music score, "From the New World". Lucky, it's my favorite piece. Bless Dvorak for composing such a masterpiece, I especially love the second movement 'Largo', I play it every time. It's too bad that the honor of playing my favorite solo part was given to a clarinet player. I will play it later at break to relieve this feeling of bitterness.

But a Dvorak piece for our first practice? I am starting to love this band even more now.

Our band started playing the first movement. Good. Really good. This is an ensemble, it's our first practice and yet we aren't making many mistakes and it's Dvorak for heaven's sake! My eyes wandered through the music room, they suddenly stopped at the girl two rows in front of me. I intently stared at the girl, it's like my eyes have been consciously searching for her. She's not playing, she's just holding her euphonium, ah right, the first movement doesn't have scores for the bass. After the first movement, we started playing Largo. She's good. This maybe the first time I observed another person's playing instead of focusing on mine. Normally, the second movement only needs Tubas but this is just practice so all shall play.

So she was being honest. In order to play that well, one needs to indulge himself to constant practices. And I've been judging her this whole time, I guess I have a terrible personality too.

After playing the fourth movement, the president stood up and told us to have our break.

"Hey Kumiko! Let's go to karaoke after this!"

It looks like Oumae-san and her new friends are planning to hang out after club but Karaoke after blowing for hours at band practice? They're crazy.

"Sorry, I'm thinking of going straight home after this. Don't you have other friends to hang out with?"

?!

"E-eh A-I mean, we already went there yesterday. I'm not in the mood today but maybe your other friends can join you"

Sugarcoating your previous words huh.

"Ehh? I just moved here you know, you and Midori-chan are my only friends here. "

"Oh right but you're a funny girl Hazuki-chan. You'll make friends in no time"

"I know! Ehehe, if today is no good then we'll go tomorrow okay? This is what it means to be a high schooler Kumiko!"

So being a member of a band doesn't mean you cannot do those youthful things. I guess my excuse earlier wasn't justifiable at all. I am just a loner, maybe the only good thing about it is that I don't mind it at all.

* * *

I bought some snacks and then started heading towards the roof. I will play Dvorak there. I opened the door and found myself disappointed that someone is already there, but the feeling vanished right after hearing her play. Oumae-san is playing her euphonium, she's playing the second movement of New World Symphony, my favorite. Without saying anything, I joined her and as expected, she stopped playing and looked at me, then she smiled and played with me again.

I noticed something about her, unlike me who always look ahead while playing, she had her eyes closed the whole time, not caring about the sheet music anymore. We are playing the piece with right notes and fine tempo. We are playing the same piece but we're doing it differently. I am playing with conviction, with my determination and my passion for music. When I play, I want the world to see how serious I am, I want to be special. And her, she's playing by heart. I was never good at caring about other people let alone understanding them so that was all I could say about her playing. But it was enough, words aren't needed to know that she has something and it is extremely beautiful.

You just have to listen to it, you just have to see it. I am drawn to her, I don't want this to end.

But of course it ended. It was really satisfying but at the same time, I am yearning for more.

"Just now, you looked really beautiful"

It was not a lie. I wasn't trying to be nice either. I want her to know it.

"E-eh? I was expecting you to say something about my performance, if it's good or what."

"I just did"

"What? You really are something, Kousaka-san" She laughed cutely. I didn't get it.

She started opening her snack so I did the same thing. I bought cheese bread earlier, I always crave for cheese when I'm exhausted, it is like a healing potion for me. The girl beside me has pudding. We ate silently until she broke the ice.

"Let's make it to nationals, Kousaka-san"

She said the same thing weeks ago when we went home together. It is not surprising for me at all, after hearing her play it made me realize that she has the same desire as mine. I was so stupid to avoid this girl.

"Yeah. Let's show the whole country how serious we are"

"Haha. That's so like you, Kousaka-san"

"This is normal. If you desire something, then you have to be serious about it. Hard work never betrays."

It's not enough to have dream, it's not enough to set a goal. Working hard is the only way to achieve what you want.

"Well, that's part of it but it's not just that, right?"

She smiled and tilted her head after saying that, it's like she's gesturing that I already know what she meant. But I seriously have no idea. Hard work is not enough? Then what else, is it talent? But talent is never enough. Without hard work, having a talent is useless. It's like owning a foreign comic and not understanding every word in it. You had no choice but to look at the pictures and think that you can understand the story by looking at them alone, not realizing that you're getting everything wrong. So the only way to get it right is to work hard and study the language. See? Everything falls down to hard work.

So what exactly did she mean?

 _Ask and be a fool for a minute, don't ask and be a fool for life._

I suddenly remember my favorite motto. That's right, people may have thought that I'm a proud woman but I am not afraid to ask when I'm lost.

"What do y-"

"Wa! This pudding is really good! This is exactly what I need! "

Oumae-san looked so happy while eating her pudding. She looked so alluring earlier but she's just like a normal girl now. I found myself enjoying this cute side of her too.

She then pointed her spoon at me, "Want some, Kousaka-san"?

Without thinking, I held her wrist and ate the pudding.

"Too sweet"

I didn't get a response so I looked at her. She averted her eyes right away but I think I caught a glimpse of her bright red face before she turned her back at me. I can still see her red ears though. Just why is she so embarrass?

"T-that was surprising, Kousaka-san."

"What is?"

"I-I thought you will u-use the other spoon, t-that was an indirect kiss you know"

Eh? So I misunderstood her gesture. I thought she was offering me the pudding on her spoon.

Then she whispered something, "You might think it's alright because we're both girls but it's not the same case for me you know" she spoke so low, I almost didn't hear her.

"What?"

"N-nothing! Let's go back to practice, Kousaka-san!"

Oumae-san can be so weird too huh.

* * *

"Ah! That was great! It was exhausting but the practicing is still fun!"

"Yes, it is"

Oumae-san and I are currently sitting on a bench at the station, waiting for our train to arrive. The station is usually crowded but there are only few people with us today and most are students like us.

The atmosphere was almost peaceful but the three girls behind us are really noisy.

"Sayaka-chan! That bag is so cute, where did you get it?"

"My boyfriend gave it to me! I am so lucky to have him! He is so sweet!"

"So sweet!", the other two girls said in unison.

"Ah, I want a boyfriend too."

"You'll get one eventually Mii-chan"

"Hey, let's buy matching straps tomorrow girls!"

"Sounds good to me!"

"Yeah ahahaha"

The nonsense conversation from behind continued while Oumae-san and I sat silently. I don't really get high school girls. Is having a boyfriend really that fun? But I saw my classmate crying earlier because of her cheating boyfriend, and she was so happy a few days back when they got together. She and her friends are always so loud when they're talking about it, it's like they want the whole class to listen to their girl's talk. She was a smart girl but I heard she got a low score in the last quiz. So maybe falling in love isn't always good.

And what about the matching stuffs? I actually hate it when someone is wearing the same or at least looked close to the thing I'm wearing but these girls are buying matching stuff on purpose. Too pathetic for me.

"I'm going girls! See you tomorrow!"

"Bye, Sayaka-chan! Take care, okay?"

Once the Sayaka girl was out of sight, her two friends started talking.

"Gosh she really annoys me!"

"I know right?! It's like she's bragging about having a boyfriend or something!"

"Yeah, what a slut!"

What the… what the hell?

Oumae-san let out a small "waaaa", it looks like she heard the whole thing too. Our train arrived so I didn't get to hear what other horrible things those two are saying to their _so-called friend._ I'm so glad, I don't want to listen anymore after all.

After the train reached our station, the two of us walked silently. Normally, Oumae-san is bringing up something to chat about, most of them were nonsense though.

"Girls….. are such bitches, you know?"

Not minding that those words came from a girl herself and not minding that they were being said to someone in the same kind, I said those words to Oumae-san.

She looked at me with wide yes and then…. She laughed, real hard.

"W-what?" I didn't expect her to laugh at all.

"Hahahahahaha no, it's nothing. I hahahaha, I just didn't expect to hear something like that from you Kousaka-san"

Well, I may have chosen the wrong word but I meant what I said.

"I agree with you, though."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I am one."

"Huh? So you admit it? That you have a terrible personality? "

"Well, yeah. I just can't help it, I always say what's on my mind. But I wanted to be thoughtful too, you know I'm trying"

"And you aren't doing a very good job. But I am one too. I don't try to understand others and judge them right away"

I can't help but grin a little. We just admitted that we are bitches.

"But we're not like those girls from the station. Yeah we are frank, sometimes inconsiderate, but we're not lying to ourselves. We may have terrible personalities but we're not a faker. And I don't think it's a bad thing over all."

That actually makes sense. There she goes again, throwing the right words every time. I, I think I wouldn't mind having a friend like her. Being with her is actually more fun than being alone, playing with her is much more fun than playing alone. I'm admitting it, I'm enjoying the company of someone.

"My house is on that way, so I'll say my goodbye here. See you tomorrow, Reina"

That caught me off guard. I blushed, it was the first time someone from school called me by my first name. I lowered my head, I was too shy to show my blushing face.

With my head still facing the ground I said, "Yeah, see you tomorrow Kumiko"

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah, this is so embarrassing.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The wind blew from the east, I suddenly felt a chill. The feeling is great though, I'm currently on a break after practicing for hours and I was feeling really hot so I quickly left the music room and went in my usual break-time spot, the rooftop. The month of May is about to the end, hence the hot atmosphere. But the wind just now was pretty strong and it came from the east which is really weird. There is an old saying that 'When the wind is in the east, it is neither good for man nor beast'. Whether in England, Europe or here, east wind blows no good, it signalize that the weather will be turning sharply colder. It doesn't make sense though, summer is approaching after all.

This weather is like music sometimes, unforeseeable, unpredictable. During the supposedly hot season, the wind is strong and freezing. During the supposedly passionate performance, the music is confined by distressing feelings, resentment and unpleasant sentiments, like a cold, bitter wind.

The east wind reminds me of my last recital a decade ago. Such a small kid in front of an enormous piano, playing Mozart's 12 Variations in C major, the legendary pianist's solo piano piece on the French folk song "Ah! vous dirai-je, maman". There were a few mistakes but for a six year old kid, that performance was magnificent. People were praising me, they were saying that I am a prodigy that will definitely have a name in the future. Little did they know that I was upset the whole time, from the first note till the end, all I could think is "I just want this to end!". Even with the praises and good words, the feeling of bitterness inside me didn't disappear. That was my last piano recital.

I used to love the piano and trumpet equally, I don't have any friends in the band but I have a single friend to play the piano with. I did have a hard time managing practice time but I just can't let go of either one of the two. So I doubled-down, I worked hard to excel on both.

" _You will never understand my feelings, Reina-chan" my piano companion told me while sobbing. We were practicing a piano duet by Liszt, as we were planning to have a piano duet at the upcoming piano recital. We were practicing for months now, she's having a hard time but I believe in her. I know we can make the audience happy if we worked hard. So I encourage her every time she's down but this is the first time I saw her cry._

" _Why are you saying that?" I cannot believe she's giving up now. There's still some time left, she can't do this now, we have worked so hard for this._

" _You keep on telling me to try hard, but I don't have a piano at home like you Reina-chan!" she walked out after saying that. Is she blaming me? Did I put too much pressure on her? I was really upset, she was my only friend and yet she abandoned me. I want to blame her for making me feel this sad but I just can't. I don't understand her._

 _I asked our music teacher to change our piece to Mozart's 12 Variation in C major, I also told her that I'll be performing solo. What I said made her really happy, I was so surprised._

" _I'm so glad Reina-chan! Your friend is getting good but she's still having a hard time. We need to have the best performance so I'm glad you decided to play solo." I hated her for it, what she just said really made me angry. My friend was trying really hard, I know she gave up in the end but hearing other people say things like that to her doesn't sit right with me. Why am I feeling this way?_

After that recital, I decided to quit playing the piano at school and started focusing on the band. It made my music teacher sad but I didn't care. My social skill is poor so the piano is perfect for me but I chose the band over it even though I have to put up with rude band mates and cruel upperclassmen. Well, maybe deep inside me … I'm still hoping that I'll get along with people? _Hah, Yeah right._

"Reina, you okay?" Oh that's right. I'm with someone. Kumiko's giving me a worried look.

"Yes, why do you ask?" Was it obvious that I'm reminiscing about something unpleasant?

"Well, I thought you looked sad. If you're worrying about something, don't hesitate to share it with me okay?" I can't believe someone is worrying about me. I was just thinking about how I'll never get along with other people but here I am now, spending break-time with a friend.

"No, it's okay" But is this really okay? I decided to hang out with her because she's interesting but what if I get too attached? Will that make me give up on trumpet too? No, no way. I will never let that happen. Then, should I stop being her friend? The idea strung me.

"Hmmmmm?" She's giving me a funny look. It made me chuckle a little.

"I just remember some piano recital" I told her half of the truth.

"Ah! Is it the upcoming one at the ABZ Theater?" Kumiko asked me. She knows it?!

"I'm surprised you know about that, do you also play the piano?" It really surprised me. Ah that reminds me, I still have extra tickets for that piano concerto.

"No, but I'm a musician too, and it's a small world" Kumiko lay down, not caring about the dirty floor. She put her hands under her head, then closed her eyes while smiling, it seems like she's enjoying the cold wind. I lay down next to her and did the same. It feels good, oh east wind, you may be a bad thing but please don't leave yet.

"Hey, Kumiko" I called her with my eyes still closed.

"Yes?" she sounds sleepy. We still have a practice after this, don't get too comfortable.

"Wanna go to that piano recital with me?" It's been so long since I've watched a piano concerto. I feel like I want to hear the piano right now. In this very moment, with her beside me, a soothing piece from the Romantic Era might fit well.

"Eh?!"

* * *

The ABZ Theater or the ABZ Hall, it is the most prestigious concert venue in the city for both classical music and modern music. It has more than 3000 seats, divided among its three auditoriums. Today, about 10 well-known pianists from Europe are going to perform here.

"Kousaka Reina-san, just who the hell are you?" Kumiko asked me after we sat on our respective seats. She always asks me the weirdest things. I didn't answer her, I just gave her the 'what the hell are saying' look.

"I mean, you have extra tickets for such a big event like this and that's surprising enough, but for premium seats?! Where did you get them ?!" Kumiko looks so confused and surprised. It's natural for her to react like that, after all, I just casually asked her to watch this recital with me. After that, I just told her the time and place to meet. We are currently seating on the premium seats, the most expensive seat at this concert hall. Aside from the high price, the premium seats are limited too, they are usually sold out a day after the start of the ticket sales. A mere high school student like me could never afford these tickets.

"My dad gave them to me a month ago". I can't believe that my dad bought me a premium ticket too. He was so happy when I told him that I will watch the recital and when I told him that I'm going with a friend, he was so surprised that he almost cried. Thanks to that, I found out that my parents knew that I had no friends before and was bothered by it.

I'm really glad that we have the best seats and view. The recital finally started, the first piece is Chopin's Ballade No. 1 in G minor 23, it came as no surprise to me, it is the most popular Chopin's piece after all. It was so enchanting, I can almost feel Chopin's love for Vienna, the handsome city. The pianist's played it with feelings and simplicity. The next one is Rachmaninoff's Prelude in G minor Op. 23 No. 5, I remember how I love to play this prelude, it was really beautiful but has too many notes, as expected from Rachmaninoff. For me, his works are the hardest to play. The pianist is doing a very good job, I found myself tapping my fingers to the armrest of my seat, I want to play it.

After the fourth pianist finished the piece, some guy in a suit announced that there will be a 30 minute break. "Reina, can you play the piano?" I looked at the source of the voice.

"How did you know?"

"Well, you brought me here. And these" she suddenly held my hand and started playing with my fingers while smiling broadly at me. "I saw these cute little fingers playing earlier"

What she did made me smile, such a cute thing to do. I intertwined our fingers. "Yeah, I used to play the piano"

"Used to?" she caught my words instantly. "Why did you stop? You're the great Kousaka Reina, I bet you can even outdo these performers"

I blushed. People always praise me that I got used to it but hearing it from a friend gave me a different feeling. It feels warm, it was embarrassing but it's a good feeling. "Y-you over..overestimate me" I stumble over my words. I lowered my head because I feel like all the blood in my body had rushed to my face. Damn, this is so not me.

"Haha cute, but I'm being honest you know" she moved her face closer, trying to meet my gaze. My eyes met hers, she's wearing a smug smile and I immediately looked away. The hall is air-conditioned but I feel really hot.

"Well, it's me after all." To cover up my embarrassment, I decided to brag. Kumiko laughed at me, she's enjoying the situation too much.

"But that's too bad, I want to see you play" she said, still making fun of me.

"I'll play for you, then. What piece do you want me to play?"I started getting serious, if I get more flustered, she will just continue to make fun of me. It's not like I completely stopped playing the piano too.

"If it's you Reina, anything will sound great. Trust me" if she's still kidding around or not, I absolutely do not know.

"Then I will play something from the –"

"Romantic Era" Kumiko cut me off.

"You said anything and now you're demanding, and from the romantic era huh, so cute" I smiled at her. She is the one getting flustered now. She didn't have to interrupt me though, since I was thinking exactly the same thing.

I looked at our hands, our fingers are still intertwined. When Kumiko noticed it, she instantly backed away. "Opps, sorry" she said awkwardly.

I was about to say that I didn't mind it but someone entered the stage, indicating the continuation of the recital.

* * *

Kumiko is definitely acting weird. During and after the recital, she hasn't talked that much. Normally, she's being hyperactive or talking about dumb things but she's being quiet now. Is she tired? Then she should have not agreed to drink coffee here with me. Or maybe she wants me to start a conversation? That's.. that's too much for me.

I took a sip of my black coffee to stop myself from over thinking things. I'm just socially awkward, maybe she's just tired after all. Then I looked outside the window, the beautiful view is helping me calm down a bit. We are at the second level of Starbucks and we are completely alone.

"Reina" she finally spoke.

"Yes?" I asked while smiling. I suck at these things but I thought that maybe smiling will lighten the mood.

"Haha. Black coffee huh, so intense" Great, she's back to normal. "Anyway, you didn't answer me earlier, why did you stop playing the piano?"

"Eh?" She still wants to talk about that? Maybe she noticed how I watched the recital with enthusiasm. Did she saw right through me? As expected from this girl, well that's what makes her, her. "I didn't like it. I didn't like playing alone"

She looked dumbfounded. After all, I, the person who hates associating with people, just said that she didn't want to play music alone.

"Weird, right? My last recital was one of my worst memories, not because I messed up or what. But I just felt so lonely while playing back then, and it wasn't supposed to feel that way. Music should take you to happy places, not the opposite" I don't care if she gets me or not, I just said what's on my mind.

"That may be the case back then but you looked really happy earlier, it's never too late to start again you know?"

Her concern made me happy but it's not really what I desire right now. I am contented with my life, with the band, with my trumpet. She's right, I still like playing the piano, I still have one at home, I can play it whenever I want. I just stopped entering competitions or performing at the recitals. I decided to focus on the trumpet after all.

"If you're saying that I should enter a piano competition or something then thanks but no, thanks." I said while laughing, trying to show that it's not what I want at all. "But you're right, I like playing the piano. I will play it the moment I got home"

"Are you sure? You're fine with just that?" she asked me, still having that worried look.

I showed her my most genuine smile and said "Yes, I enjoyed playing my trumpet the most now"

Her face finally broke into a smile. "That's right, you have the trump-"

I cut her off, "and I get to play with you. Two birds with one stone." I showed her my sweetest smile this time.

Kumiko's face instantly turned red after that. She's being so cute, it makes me want to tease her more. She's so red and yet she's not hiding it. She's looking straight at me, I can't tell what she's thinking though. But the look in her eyes is different, it's like she's longing for something, for someone.

Minutes have passed but she's not saying anything, we are just looking at each other. Then she moved her face closer to mine without looking away.

 _I'm not going to avert my eyes. There's no way I'll lose, heh._

I thought she was still just playing around until she closed her eyes and pressed her lips lightly against mine. My mind went black in that instant. With my eyes still open, I tightened my hold on my black coffee, not caring how hot it is. I'm feeling hotter inside, my heart is beating like crazy, this maybe the first time I felt something like this. Why are my first times always with her? She pulled me closer and deepens the kiss. We stayed like that for a while until she separated her lips from mine. Our faces were still so close, maybe an inch apart.

"D-do you think this is wrong?" she asked me with a low voice, panting.

"Yes" I answered honestly. After all, we are not dating, we are just friends. What we just did was so wrong.

"Do you want me to stop?" she sounded hurt. She looked at me, her eyes pleading for understanding.

"N-no" it was an honest an answer. She smiled, then moved her face closer once again and gently kissed me. Her lips are so soft, I feel like my head is going to explode. This sensation is overwhelming.

It feels really good, it was exciting and enjoyable….but that's just it.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Kumiko?" I said her name once again. The summer vacation started a few days ago. We are practicing at the Daikichiyama as we are craving for the cool breeze, and not to mention that we are at the top of the mountain so we can practice as loud as we can. But it seems that the girl beside me is in a daze, she hasn't been concentrating at all. She finally looked at me, her face looks puzzled. "I said give me a note"

"Eh? Ah, right, sorry" she started playing the bass part of the piece we're currently playing. The competition is drawing near, it's not good if she stay like this. It's time to play my parts but I didn't budge, I want to observe her reaction but of course, she didn't even notice.

"Kumiko, what's up with you today?" I asked her, slightly annoyed. She lowered her head, feeling guilty, it looks like she noticed the displeasure in my voice.

Then she raised her head, her eyes are full of determination this time. "Sorry, let's start from the beginning"

Feeling a little guilty with the way I managed to make her concentrate, I put down my instrument and faced her with a smile. "Sorry, scratch what I just said. You look troubled, are you alright?" I made it sure that I didn't sound scary, I am aware that my default voice and expression are displeasing to most people so I at least want the people who are close to me to feel relaxed when they're with me.

Kumiko looked surprised for a moment but she loosens up straight away. She put her euphonium down then closed the sheet music and placed it on her lap. She remained staring at the sheet music so I cannot fully see her face. Her long eyelashes are visible to me though, they were beautiful, no, beautiful is not the right word, or more like it's not enough to describe those sweeping eyelashes, they were just too sexy. Her hair is tied in a ponytail, some loose hair strands are tucked in her ears making her hair looks a little messy, but it surely doubled her charisma. She's wearing a half smile, the most ambiguous type of smile and those lips… those lips are as enticing as ever. She slowly raised her face, I flinched a little. I cannot believe myself. Her face is so red, and her smile is gone. It looks like she's hesitating to open her mouth. But after a moment, she finally said something.

"I-it's your fault, Reina" she said, not looking into my eyes. My fault? Ah, so this is about what happened that night. Now that the topic about it has been opened up, my blood instantly rushed to my face.

She continued, "I thought for sure that you'll avoid me, or be disgusted with me or something" her face is facing the ground once again so I can't see her expression. "But you acted normal the next day."

A few weeks have passed since that night, since Kumiko and I shared a kiss after watching a piano recital. I still remember every detail and every word that we said to each other. _"Do you think this is wrong?"_ I managed to give her a logical answer. That's right, I'm aware that it was wrong, wrong in every aspect. We're friends, not a couple. But her next question, _"Do you want me to stop?"_ Why in the world did I answer "no"? Am I a pervert? Did my curiosity got the best of me? But one thing is for sure, I don't lie. I meant what I said that night, which made it more confusing for me.

"You're right, it's my fault. I'm sorry." I apologized. After all, I started that weird atmosphere. To avoid the topic about my sad childhood, I teased her instead resulting to that kiss. "I set that weird mood that you had to go that far" I was completely clueless about her reason for kissing me, she made the first move , and I'm sure that she's not so simple to do that just for fun. Well, I can think of one thing but I don't want to jump to conclusions. Not yet.

"Eh?" Kumiko looked at me, her eyebrows furrowed. Looks like what I said didn't make sense to her.

"Look, you're my friend. My only friend, I am not so low that I'll avoid you or feel disgusted with you just because of what happened that night" I held her hand, I want her to know that I'm serious, I am not playing friends with her, I don't do that kind of thing. When I decide to form a bond with someone, it'll be as strong as chain. "So don't ever think like that again"

Kumiko look stunned, she couldn't say a word for a while. She lowered her head again, but after she regained her composure, she glanced up at me with a mischievous smile. "Well, I will just see how things will turn out for now. I got that far after all"

Her words are ambiguous, confusing and maybe misleading but I have a feeling I understood what she meant. That mischievous smile and that intense look in her eyes, plus the content of her words. You don't have to be a genius to get something so simple, it can only mean one thing. Should I just ask her? But it will surely lead to an awkward atmosphere, I might put her to in a tight corner. And I might put myself in a corner too. I am almost positive that she has feelings for me but what me? What about my feelings?

I stared at the girl in front of me. Do I like her? Or not? _I don't know what to feel._

Kumiko suddenly let out a small laugh. "What's with that look? You're so hard to read, Reina" She started putting her euphonium in the case. "The sun is setting, let's stop for today. I promise I'll get back on track tomorrow"

"Okay, if that's what you want". What I just said wasn't just about going home. She doesn't want to talk about her feelings and I'm honestly fine with it.

* * *

The way back home seems too short when I'm with someone. I used to practice at the Daikichiyama alone before I became friends with Kumiko. Daikichiyama is a special place for me, I don't just go there for practice, I go there when I'm upset too. I don't know if it's because I ddin't have someone to talk about my problems with, but I develop a hobby of screaming when I cannot contain my anger anymore. Call me scary, but I sometimes break things too when I'm really upset.

I looked at my wrist watch, it's already 17:30. We eat dinner at six in the evening, so I should hurry.

"Kousaka?" Kumiko and I stopped walking after hearing someone from behind.

"Senpai, good afternoon" it was my three senpai in trumpet section.

"About to go home? It's still early, you two should come with us, let's go to Karaoke!" Kasano-senpai said and placed her hands to mine and Kumiko's shoulders.

I didn't like how she's being over-familiar with me, or with Kumiko. And Karaoke at this hour? "Sorry senpai, but I have to get home at six."

"Oh come on! Don't be-

"And I prefer practicing over doing nonsense things like that. Thanks for the invite but I shall excuse myself now" I reached for Kumiko's hand and pulled her closer to me. "Let's go, Kumiko"

"What a bitch, making us look like slackers" "Way to kill the mood" "Acting so big just because she can play well". Same old, same old. I continued walking, dragging Kumiko with me. I don't care what other people say about me. I bet Kumiko knew how other people see me but still, I don't want her to hear those things. They say all trumpet players are arrogant and people see me as the best example of that, hearing it from a co-trumpet player is no big deal, and I don't think I'm a mood killer at all, I just find the usual teenage activities boring as hell. Is it wrong to think like that?

Kumiko suddenly stopped walking. I turned to face her and smiled, "What? Do you agree with them?"

Kumiko answered my question with a question too, "Why did you do that Reina?"

"What do you mean? I just said it, I need to go home"

"You didn't have to be so rude though, those girls are from your section and they are our senpai" She is clearly scolding me. I averted my eyes, accepting defeat.

"Well, I admit that the way I said it was wrong .It's a bad habit of mine, but isn't practicing still the most important?" I'm still right on that part right?

"Well, practicing is important but.." She played with her hair while trying to find the right words to say. Ah, this conversation reminded me of the question I wasn't able to ask when we were at the rooftop.

Now tell me, what is that other important thing besides hard work. "Don't you think building a strong bond with our band mates is just as important as practicing?"

I raised my one eyebrow. I don't understand. Why do I have to be friends with others just to reach my goal? If we all play well then isn't the result going to be the same? I actually believe that human emotions can be considered as hindrance, I know because I have experienced that. I'm at lost for words, I didn't answer her.

"Don't you think so?" She's looking straight to my eyes, not letting me to avoid the topic or play it as a joke.

Fine, I'll say what's on my mind then. "I don't want to hang out with people who don't interest me. I think it's stupid to do things you don't like just because they were considered as the normal things to do. Being a faceless member of the crowd is something I want to avoid" I put down my trumpet case and walked three steps ahead of Kumiko. I held my own hand and then turned to face her. Seeing her looking dumbfounded, my lips curled into a smirk, "Don't look at me like that. I know you get it"

Kumiko slightly laughed, "You really are something, Reina"

"I want to be special, Kumiko" I said with conviction. She smiled after hearing it, other people will probably laugh at that childish declaration but as expected, she was different, she looked at me with eyes full of understanding.

I never wanted to put my desire in words because words can be easily misunderstood. People who think they are superior will just make fun of me and think I'm just a child, inferior ones are just going to take my words as bragging, they will just think I'm being as arrogant as always. But Kumiko is different, I think she's somewhat similar to me.

Has a terrible personality but always true to herself, determined about making it to Nationals, is mischievous but can be serious. I just feel like I see myself in her or something, that's why even with my wrong assumptions about her at the start, she managed to lure me right away.

I am so glad she became my friend. It's more fun when we're together. I know she feels the same thing so everything will more enjoyable from now on…..or so I thought. Until the summer vacation ended.

* * *

" I like you, Reina!"

Oh right, she's in love with me. I was too focused on our views, beliefs, similarities and stuff that I actually forgot about this. Almost a month has passed since the thought of her liking me crossed my mind. I thought that she doesn't want to talk about this and want to focus on our summer practices instead but I guess that's not the case. So this is why she called me out here, I should have known.

"I-I may have done things out of order b-but I still want to make it clear" she's stuttering and fidgeting, "I like you…. For a very long time now" she finally said it. Oh, Kumiko.

"Yeah, I was kinda getting the vibe" I smiled at her, trying to make her feel more relaxed. But it didn't help at all, she just looked at me in disbelief.

"Y-you knew?! E-even though you're Reina? Why didn't you say so?!" Kumiko's throwing multiple questions at me, I think I heard something offensive mixed in there but I shall ignore it for now.

"I don't want to say something I'm not entirely sure that's true." And I honestly thought it was better to be proven wrong.

Kumiko blushed, she's blushing so hard that I started getting flustered too. Talk about awkward situation. I can't blame her though, she's been hanging out with me for weeks now, unaware that I'm getting the feeling that she's into me. The silence is killing me but I don't know what to say, normally Kumiko's the one handling the mood but she's in much tougher place right now.

Should I say something? But what?

"Reina…" She spoke! I am so glad! Or so I thought but her next words put me in a bind. "Your feelings, c-can you at least tell me how you feel ?"

I'm stuck. I didn't have a time to properly think about that, and I honestly can't think straight right now. She's important to me, I know, she's special to me, that's a given. But is that love? I don't know! This is really new to me, how can I possibly know. I clenched my fist, how do I feel about her? What should I feel about her? _Should I really be asking myself these things?_

They say love is not something you look for, it's something you feel. When you feel it, you'll know right away. _Is this it? Have I found my answer?_ I closed my eyes and tried to remember the days I spent with Kumiko. I enjoyed every moment I spent with her. Going home together, playing together, all those laughter and mocking.

And then the kiss popped out in my mind. The kiss we shared after I promised to play a romantic piece for her. How did I feel back then? _Did I even feel a thing?_

I opened my eyes and quickly stared at the girl in front of me. She looked surprised for a bit, then she gave me a tender smile, I suddenly feel like crying. Hurting her is the last thing I would want. Why does she like me anyway? I still don't understand that. A few weeks ago, I was thinking about how everything will be more fun but I'm losing it at this moment. I don't understand, I don't understand. Should I reconsider? But…. But there is nothing to reconsider _. Feelings don' lie._

I bit my lower lip and then I spoke in a very low audible voice, "Do you really want to know?"

She looked at me with wide eyes, and then she averted her gaze. She smiled a little but her smile didn't reach her eyes. The sight stung my heart so hard."No, not yet. I think I already knew the answer but I don't want to accept it"

I was shocked. I didn't expect her to run from the truth. It's so not like her but at the same time, I felt really glad. Really glad. I don't even understand myself anymore. I don't want her to run from the truth but I was relieved. The feeling of not wanting to hurt her is overtaking me.

Wanting to lighten the atmosphere, I teased her. "Are you going to say 'I'll make you fall in love with me' or something like that?"

Kumiko let out a small laugh. "You're terrible, Reina" Looks like I failed, this is what happens when you left me in charge of reading the mood. "But no, I'm not going to say something cliché like that" Not wanting to say something common. I'm the same Kumiko, we really are alike. "I just don't want the current you to say it"

I raised my one eyebrow, not understanding what she meant. "I'll wait until you properly understand people's emotions. To be honest, what you said back then about people really made me see you in a new light, I completely agree with you and I truly believe you will become special" She reached out for my hand, held it firmly with her two hands and then placed it at her chest." What you said back then gave me the courage. That's why I'm right here in front of you, confessing my love" She closed her eyes and stayed silent for a minute, and she spoke once again, "But I think there are still some crucial things you don't understand."

I parted my lips, I've thought of saying something but immediately stop before I can even start, realizing that maybe she's right. I let Kumiko continue, "I am not doing this just because I want you to like me back, I want you to understand other people because I believe they're important to you, I want you to reach your dreams." I know. I know she's only thinking about me. "I'm not trying to deceive you" Even if you are, I feel like I'm fine with that.

I remained silent, enthralled by her words. She slowly opened her eyes, she looked at me, her eyes are filled with nothing but affection. "I will stay with you until you finally understand people, their feelings, and your feelings". She let go of my hand,"When that time comes, and you still feel nothing about me then…"

Her eyes are sad yet she's smiling, "Reject me"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Why did you bring me here? I'm feeling sick already" I scowled at Kumiko. She invited me to have lunch with her today and I was more than happy to take up on her offer but… she brought me to the school cafeteria, of all places. Both our parents make us lunch every day, so I don't really get why she wanted us to be here. I was expecting us to eat at the rooftop. Our school cafeteria is like a shopping center or the Shibuya crossing, students are everywhere and they are very noisy. While I'm very aware that it's perfectly normal, I always try to avoid going to places like this.

"Hah, you look awful. Here!" she threw something at me. A cheese cake?, "You like cheese cake right? Relax already!" You shouldn't throw foods you know, and as much as I like cheese cake, it's not going to make me feel better at all.

"There's a good reason why we're here", she said while opening the bread she bought earlier. She's going to eat both her lunch and that bread right now? Wow.

Kumiko continued, "We're going to observe people".

"So, you were serious about that". It seems like she's really going to help me understand others. I've always wanted to do that so I guess this is a good opportunity. But I honestly don't want to trouble her.

"Of course", Kumiko responded. She put her hands under her chin and gave me a devious smile, "I'm going to see how that cold heart of yours functions"

What she said made me laugh a little. I also felt a little guilty. After her confession, I thought it's going to be awkward between us, I intended to reject her that time after all. But she told me to treat her the same way I did before the confession. And even though she's being her usual self, I still think it's unfair for her. Is this really alright?

" _What's with that face? Don't tell me you're going to avoid me from now on?" she said, making fun of my expression. I was looking at her like I did something wrong, my eyes are field with guilt. I just can't help it, I knew I hurt her._

 _She suddenly flicked my forehead, "What the-?!"_

 _She laughed at me. I wasn't able to tell if she's faking it or not. "Don't you dare ignore me, just treat me the same way as before. "_

 _Easier said than done. The smile on her face isn't going to make me feel better. There's no way I can act like nothing happened. And I don't settle for friendships that are superficial. If staying friends with me would only hurt her even more, then I'd rather be alone once again. After all, she's important to me and I honestly love her. Maybe not in the way she wants or needs, but I still care about her the most._

" _No, I don't want that", I said in a serious voice. Her cheerful act is not going to fool me. "It's better to part now than later. You're just going to hurt yourself even more"_

 _I tried to act as cold as I can but it didn't affect Kumiko. She can see right through me, she knew that I value our friendship and didn't want to end it now. Damn it, I want to hit myself for being so transparent now, of all times. The corner of her mouth tuned but unlike the sad smile earlier, she's genuinely smiling now. "You don't have to be so considerate, it's what I really want"_

 _I pulled a face, I didn't understand her. She wasn't lying, I can see it. It made me even more confused._

" _I meant it, I will help you understand human's emotions" .After saying that, she turned her back at me and started walking away. "Tell me the answer to my confession at the right time"_

At first, I found it hard to be comfortable around her but she scolded and teased me until everything went back to normal. I still feel guilty but damn, she's really great at handling situations like this.

So we're going to observe other people huh? Easy. I do that all the time. I don't have any friends in class so I just observe my classmates when I have nothing to do. I know what they normally do after class, the popular songs they often listen to, the idols they adore, even the things they hate like otaku stuff and comedians. I know everything, so I don't really see the point of this. I guess we'll start observing after eating but I can't seem to enjoy my lunch with all the noise and people in here. I really am not good with crowds, I should distract myself. Since we came here to observe people, I'll start with Kumiko. She's currently eating her lunch and her yakisoba pan at the same time; I didn't know she eats a lot, 'cause her figure definitely says otherwise.

"Stop staring at me Reina." _Crap, she noticed._ "Let's start." She told me after eating the last egg roll in her lunch.

Okay, but where do I start?, "What should I do?"

She slowly leaned herself closer to me and whispered something to my ear," See the table next to us? We're just going to eaves-drop a little"

I frowned at her. Is she serious?, "I don't think that's a good idea. And it's really loud in here you know, I can't possibly do that"

"Oh come on! You're Kousaka Reina!", she said, provoking me. I sure hope that's a compliment.

I decided to humor her, I started listening to the girls seating next to us. They were our band mates, and one of them is a freshman like us and a friend of Kumiko.

"Hazuki-chan, why don't you join us? We're going to practice on Saturday at Asuka-senpai's place!", said the second- year tuba player.

Katou-san looked uncomfortable, " Eh? M-maybe next time senpai. "

The conversation continued, the second years were still trying to invite Katou-san but she keeps on turning them down.

"So, what can you say about it? Why does Hazuki-chan keeps refusing them?" Kumiko asked me.

It was easy. I already knew the answer. Based on Katou-san's expressions, it looks like she doesn't like practicing. They were being persistent and were annoying her. I heard she's a beginner and just joined the band because her friends were doing it. She won't sacrifice her precious weekend to practice with them.

I gave Kumiko a mischievous smile before answering, "She doesn't want to practice. Look at her and her troubled face. Maybe she has a plan on that day or something"

"Wrong!", Kumiko slightly raised her voice but only I can hear it."Hazuki-chan is a beginner. She told me she doesn't want to practice with the senpai until she learned the basics. She's trying hard you know"

I was startled. How could I possibly know that? Katou-san isn't my friend or anything, there's no way I would know her circumstances or what.

"That's playing dirty, I didn't know about that"

"Exactly." Kumiko said, her face looks so serious. "You didn't know anything. So, why did you judge her right away?"

Urg. I wasn't able to say anything in return. Kumiko continued," I remember you did the same thing to me at the start too. Learn you lessons, will you?", she said, teasing me.

I looked down. I was ashamed. It was true after all, I knew it was a bad habit of mine but I am not doing anything about it. "Okay, okay. Sorry, this is hard"

"Not at all. You don't need to know everything or do things you don't want to ", she said, trying to comfort me. "Just think before you speak"

I smiled at her. She really knows what to say at times like this. "Okaaay, sensei"

"Alright! Now, let's put you in action!",she said cheerfully, almost shouting. She didn't even care that people started looking at her. _Hah, no dull moment with this girl._

* * *

"That was tiring!"

"And I thought you're used to hiking" Kumiko said while wiping her face. We just got here at the Daikichiyama. The sun is up, it's a good thing there's a cabana at the top of this mountain. The hike was indeed tiring but that's not what I was talking about just now.

"I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about your 'Operation: Kousaka Getting to Know Human's Emotions!' thing". Yeah, Kumiko made that corny operation's name. After observing people at the cafeteria, I realized my mistake and apologized to the upperclassmen in my section. Kumiko looked so happy when I did that, then she told me to try socializing with others, especially our band mates. First, she let me join her individual practices with her classmates and friends. Katou-san and Kawashima –san were both energetic and talkative, they keep on asking me nonsense things and I tried my hardest not to be sarcastic. Kumiko told me that they were just curious because I gave off a mysterious aura. Eventually, I got used to hanging out with them, and I found out that they're really nice and fun to talk to. Then Kumiko told me, or more like ordered me to start a conversation when I'm practicing with the people in the trumpet section. I did that and my co-sections were so surprised, some of my upperclassmen even started doting on me. Talking and socializing with people tires me out but it kinda feels warm. I still decline hanging out after class or on weekends but politely, this time. Every day was fun, all thanks to Kumiko.

"Come on, don't say that. You looked so happy these past few weeks. You're halfway there", she told me with a gentle smile. Ah, she's so pretty. She's getting prettier as the days go by.

"All thanks to you, but…" I walked towards the cabana and sat next to her, I rested my head on her shoulder. "times like this is still the best after all, when we're alone"

Her lips curved upward, she appeared amused. But then her expression turned serious suddenly, "Hey, Reina. That time, I think I forgot to ask one important thing"

I lift my head off her shoulder and faced her. "O-one thing?" I stuttered. _Are we going to have another heavy talk?_

She stared at me and asked, "Is it because I'm a girl?" Oh, did she think I was bothered by that?

"No", I responded. "Of course not"

She's still staring straight at me. It looks like she's trying to know the answer from my eyes. There is no need to do that though, since I don't lie. After a moment, her expression finally softened.

"And I think it's cool", she gave me a questioning look. I continued, "Liking girls, I mean."

Her eyes didn't blink for several seconds and her mouth gaped open. Looks like I just said something weird. Then the corner of her lips curved, and she let out her usual cynical chuckle. "You find every unusual things cool, Reina"

"Of course not" I protested. "You're making me look like a weird person when I'm just being honest here."

"Oh, you're not?" she muttered while playfully giggling.

I placed my hands in her face and rubbed her cheeks, trying to wipe off her grin. "How terrible, making fun of me like this" I tickled her under the chin and she erupted in laughter. I was enjoying the situation but she caught my hands, and that's when I realized that our faces were a bit too close to each other.

"I'll kiss you if you don't stop", she said in an intimate voice while giving me a playful smile. I couldn't decipher her expressions at all.

I fixed my gaze on her clear and sparkling amber eyes. "Do it" _Did I just say that?_

Kumiko froze and stared at me in disbelief. It must be a stupid move to provoke her but I just can't control myself right now. She looked hesitant at first, it made me regret triggering her, until she said something, "Then.." after a saying a single word, she gently touched my chin and stared brazenly into my eyes. Her simple touch sent spark up my spine. After that, she leaned in with her lips half opened and began to kiss me. I closed my eyes and savored the moment. Her lips were warm and soft, I felt my desire overwhelming me. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her even closer, I feel like I'm going to melt anytime now. I felt her hands running through my back, this is totally not like the one we shared before. She slowly pulled away, but I quickly placed my hand on the back of her head, wanting to pull her back. She locked her eyes on me, _was this a wrong move?_ The corner of her lips rose but the smile didn't reach her eyes, "So unfair, Reina. Getting my hopes up like this". She leaned in and kissed me once again before I could say something. I threw my arms around her neck, completely losing myself. She pulled away from my lips and started kissing down my collarbone. I tilted my head back and let her plant soft kisses against my neck, the warmth of her lips instantly sent electricity running through my body. A faint moan escaped my lips, and then Kumiko immediately stopped. Suddenly, the moment vanished into thin air.

I opened my eyes and looked at her but she averted her eyes and said, "I-I think we should go home"

* * *

I looked at the clock; it's already 1:00 am. Damn it, I can't sleep. What happened earlier at the Daikichiyama is still so clear in my mind, I can't stop thinking about it. That was totally my fault again, she was just teasing me but I provoked her without even thinking of the consequences. And it wasn't just a kiss this time. Thanks to what I did, we went home without saying a word to each other.

It seems like I'm getting too comfortable with Kumiko in the past month. I eat lunch with her every day, go home with her, and we often spend weekends together too. While I started getting along with other people, I still spend most of my time with her. There are times I forget she has feeling for me because she's acting normal every time, like a normal friend. Come to think of it, I often lean my head on her shoulder or hold her hand without even thinking about her feelings. That was too insensitive of me, I was totally sending her mixed signal s there!

I hit my face with my pillow several times. Damn it! Being new to these things isn't an excuse, I should think before I act. Just why do I always let my curiosity get the better of me? I suddenly remember what Kumiko said earlier. _"You're halfway there"_ , am I? But it looks like I can't even understand myself.

I hugged my pillow and shut my eyes tightly. I can't let this go on, I don't want to be inconsiderate to Kumiko. I want to understand my feelings as soon as possible.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

My head hurts. I wasn't able to get enough sleep. To think that I lost sleep thinking about Kumiko, even I can see how much I have changed in these past months. I have never experienced losing sleep over-thinking about someone before; the usual reasons are when I drank too much black coffee or when I'm feeling sick.

I closed my eyes and placed my hand in my face, my eyes hurt. My train will arrive in less than five minutes, and I hope I'll be able to sit or else I might lose consciousness in there. I'm feeling really sick right now. The train arrived and I immediately looked for an empty seat. _Ah, there it is._ I sat on the empty seat and closed my eyes once again. I still have twenty minutes, should I take a short nap? But I might miss my stop. Damn it, I guess I should just manipulate my body to wake the hell up. I slapped my face with my two hands. Ouch, it hurts. Kumiko looked at me, her eyes narrowed. Eh? What? _Wait, Kumiko?!_

She was seating beside me all along? "S-say something if you're here". I told her, still in shock that I didn't even notice that she's seating beside me.

She gave me a slight smile, "Well, you look really tired and sleepy, I didn't want to trouble you." She removed her gaze from me and stared ahead, "Go get some sleep, I'll wake you up later"Yeah, there's no way I can do that. The reason why I can't sleep at night is right here beside me, how could I possibly sleep? Thanks to her, I'm wide awake right now.

What should I do? This is awkward, she's not saying anything. Perhaps what happened that time at the Daikichiya is still troubling her. Ah, I can't think straight! She doesn't say anything and I don't know what to say to break the ice. I wish the train will reach our stop soon.

The train, as well as the other passengers with us is being really noisy but the silence between us is much more deafening. It's killing me. If I was the same as the person I used to be before meeting Kumiko, I would have been fine seating with someone I know without saying anything at all, this kind of situation wouldn't bother me at all. A lot of thing about me have changed after being close to Kumiko, I can't even tell if it's a good thing or not. This is really awkward, I can't take it anymore. I'll say something even though I'll probably just mess up like always, anything is better than this silence.

"I heard that the cultural festival is being held earlier than usual in our school" I said, but I quickly regret choosing cultural festival as a topic since I knew nothing about it. I never paid any attention to the attractions and activities in the cultural festival back in middle school.

"Ah, yeah", she said, still not looking at me. What is this? She's being quiet, it's totally unusual. Maybe she doesn't enjoy talking about the cultural festival? I hope I'm right; I am having a bad feeling about this.

I continued talking to her, wanting to confirm my suspicion. "Can we stop by the bookstore on the way home? I want to buy a new study material."

She gave me a quick glance, "S-sorry, I can't go home with you today." So, I was right after all? "I need to study for the upcoming tests"

One more try. "Should I help you study, then?" _Please say yes._

"Ah..Uhm.. N-no, you don't need to." She said, still not facing my way despite how persistent I am. Damn it, look at me when you're talking to me. "I want to do it myself, but thanks, really"

I knew it. She's avoiding me. I stopped trying to start a conversation, and the silence came back. But I am feeling even more uncomfortable this time, especially since I just confirmed that she doesn't want to talk with me. Why? Is this still about the kiss? But I am trying really hard here, so she can act normal around me. I thought that maybe she thinks I hated it but, was it exactly the opposite? Did.. did she hate it? But it doesn't make sense. After all, she likes me.. right?

I secretly looked at her without turning my head. I don't want her to notice my gaze. It's obvious that she's feeling uneasy too, so it means that she still cares. Then what is it about? Why is she acting this way? Sometimes, I think I understand her the most but other times, I can't seem to read her at all. I looked at the floor, twenty minutes seems really long when you're in an awkward situation.

* * *

Crescent Moon Dance, the number one most difficult piece on the list of pre-approved pieces released by the All-National Band Association judges. Our conductor and adviser chose this piece for our wind ensemble, hoping to impress the judges by playing something the other bands were unlikely to choose.

The opening part of the piece contains a very challenging melody for the trumpet section, so an intense practice and full concentration are needed to perfect this piece. That's what I should be doing right now but I can't seem to focus at all.

I put down the trumpet on my lap and closed my sheet music. My throat is getting dry and my lips are starting to hurt. I was practicing for hours but my trumpet playing didn't improve at all. My mind is not into it, I pretty much wasted my time and strength. All I could think about is that person from the bass section. It's not good to lose focus but her actions this morning is still bothering me. I risked a peek at the bass section, hoping for the euphonium player not to notice my gaze. She is still avoiding me, after all.

"Kumiko! How do you read this symbol again?" Katou-san asked while showing Kumiko a sheet music.

"Eh? You still don't know how to read it?!", Kumiko hurriedly shut her mouth with her own hand, _You have already said the whole thing, what's the point?,_ "I mean, practicing your tuba skill is important but learning to perfectly read the sheet music always comes first. That's the basic of the basics; I know you can do it Hazuki-chan"

She just accidentally blurted the things she really wanted to say, then instantly covered them up with comforting words. _That's so like you, Kumiko._ She knew she has a terrible personality but still works hard to be considerate, she's still not doing a very good job at it though.

Kawashima-san walked towards them and joined the conversation, "That's right Hazuki-chan! Didn't you learn them at music class before?"

Katou-san scratched her head and said, "I don't really listen to the music teacher that much, I mean, I never paid attention to music before!"

"Ah, that's right. You were in the tennis club in middle school. But that's not the point Hazuki-chan! You need to listen to your teacher. Right, Kumiko?" said Kawashima-san, being hyper like always.

'Ah, y-yeah" Kumiko responded

."I knew that! That's why I'm studying them now. I'm working hard, right Kumiko?" Katou-san said while clinging to Kumiko.

"Haha, right, right."

Katou-san and Kawashima-san's bantering continued while Kumiko is listening to them. Kumiko is aware of her eccentric habit of accidentally blurting out the first thing on her mind without tact, that's why she prefers listening to others than speaking. And while she seems friendly to most people, she's honestly very distant. She doesn't want to go along with the crowd but still like to play things safe. I can tell it because she acts differently when she's with me.

She doesn't hold back when she's with me, she knows I'm the same as her. She can be herself when she's around me. She's more playful, sloppy and determined, unlike the good girl façade she shows in front of other people, even her other friends. But even though we both have terrible personalities, I am more frank about it. I don't try to be considerate to others, I'm straightforward and doesn't care about what other people say about me. Kumiko cares about what other people think of her, and she also cares about their feelings.

Sometimes, I just want to peel that good girl skin of hers. _You're the same as me, why are you trying so hard to blend with the others?_

I decided to stop thinking about her and to focus on practicing instead. I need to get back on track, I shouldn't lose sight of my goal no matter what. I opened the sheet music and positioned my trumpet in front of my mouth. I'm going to work hard and become special.

The practice ended and I left the school alone for the first time in a while.

* * *

"Welcome!"

I reached the bookstore near the station. I need a new math book; the curriculum in high school can be really hard, even for me, so I need to prepare for the test as early as possible. Sigh, _I hope I'll be able to study later_.

Kumiko kept her distance from me the whole day. She still talks to me but it's kinda different, it feels like she's treating me the same way as the others. It doesn't feel right. Even when I tried to think about other things, even when I want to focus on practicing, I still can't help but think about Kumiko and the reason why she is avoiding me. It was totally unexpected. Does a person normally distance herself from the person she likes? Or perhaps, did.. did she have a change of heart? The thought stung my heart.

A red book suddenly caught my eye. It has the words "You don't know what you have until it's gone" on the cover. My body suddenly felt heavy. Did I take Kumiko's feelings for granted? Is she starting to hate me? Damn it. I flipped the book and read the words written on its back, "Truth is, you knew what you had, you just never thought you'd lose it"

This book totally hit me where it hurts. Maybe it's true after all, I lead her on without confirming anything. I did things that confused her, and even when I'm aware of it, I didn't stop myself. I'm the worst. I clenched my fist, why did I let things come to this?

I don't want to lose Kumiko, I'm certain of it. She's very important to me, I cherish every moment we spend together. She taught me a lot of things, and made me see things I didn't know I want to see. That's it. I can't let her go. After the tests, if she's still avoiding me, I will tell her what I'm thinking.

I'm not going to lose her. Not now, not ever.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"Should we go out?" I mustered up my courage and asked Kumiko to go out with me.

"Eh?" Kumiko stared at me in disbelief.

No more sleepless nights, no more awkward situations. I can't take it anymore, I want her back. Since that incident at the Daikichiyama, Kumiko's been giving me the cold shoulder. I understand that we were on our test period and she needs to study for exams but she's been distancing herself from me even before that. Yeah, she's not completely ignoring me, she talks to me when she needs to and she also goes home with me sometimes, but she doesn't talk much and the mood only gets awkward every time. Even though I'm an awkward person myself, I still made the effort to start conversations or ease the mood between us, but nothing worked at all. That's why I'm going to do now what I have decided last week.

I asked Kumiko to meet me at the back of the gym after the club. I still don't understand why she's avoiding me but whatever her reason may be, I don't want to lose what we have, I can't let things between us to end now.

I sincerely looked at her; I wanted her to see how much I've missed her. I know she's good at it, reading people through their eyes, she stared at me and we shared a meaningful eye contact for a couple of seconds. I'm not saying anything, and neither is Kumiko. That's right, look at me, understand my feelings, and see how lonely I felt when you were avoiding me.

To my surprise, Kumiko lowered her eyes, but then quickly raised her head again, "Wha- ? C-come on Reina, don't suddenly say such things like that. It's getting late, let's go home" she showed me a smile as fake as the words she said just now.

I scowled at her, getting tired of receiving this kind of response from her. The girl in front of me is totally not like the Kumiko I admired before. "No, I am sincerely asking you here." I averted my eyes, irritated and feeling a little hurt. "The least you can do is take what I said seriously".

Kumiko sighed and looked at the ground. I waited for her to say something but she remained silent. Is this her answer? Was I too late after all? Maybe she got tired of waiting for me, or she's been hurting all along that's why she decided to just ignore me and move on. But she should have at least said something, suddenly avoiding me is too cruel. I know it's mostly my fault for focusing too much on other people but she's with me all the time, and I even told her that I enjoyed spending my time with her the most. Did.. did she really fall out of love with me? Does she like someone else now?

Damn it, I'm being pessimistic at a time like this, I should just ask her. I wouldn't let her avoid my questions, I wouldn't even let her give me vague answers. I will make her tell the truth, no matter how much it would hurt me.

I fixed my eyes on her. _Now, tell me the truth."_ Did- did you change your mind? Don't you like me any-"

"That's not it!" she said, raising her voice a little. I was taken aback. So, I was wrong? Then why the hell is she acting otherwise?!

"Then, why are you acting like this?!" I snapped at her, I cannot contain these feelings anymore."You know I hate uncertain things the most! Stop acting like there's nothing wrong when you're not even acting like yourself. If you have problems with me, then just tell me!" I was gasping for breath. I finally said it, but realizing that I may have scared her by shouting, I took her hand and held it as I stared at her eyes, I calmed myself down and softened my expression. "Please, don't just distance yourself from me like that" I said, almost pleading.

She shook her head, still facing the ground, "Reina, you don't understand"

" _You will never understand my feelings, Reina-chan"_

I suddenly remember something from the past. No, no, I will not lose someone I hold dear again this time. I squeezed her hand. "W-why are you saying that?" I ended up saying the same thing I said to the friend who left me before. I'm panicking, and my heart is beating like crazy. " I,I befriend others, I worked hard to understand other people. I did all of that for you, why are you saying that?"

She finally raised her head and looked straight at me, her eyes were cold. "Did all of that for me? Are you serious?" her voice is so low. "You think you understand your feelings? Look at yourself now, I didn't ask you to do this"

Her cold eyes, her cold voice and everything she said were too much for me. I wasn't able to say anything back, I looked down while she continued. "Suddenly asking me out, please don't make light of my feelings" she clenched her teeth, trying to hold her tears back. "You just don't want to lose me"

She released her hand from me, and I was stunned. I clenched my fist and raised my head to face her, I didn't try to hide my painful expression, her mouth slightly opened in surprise when she saw my face. "Is-is that a bad thing?" I chocked on my own words, my throat is tightening up and the corner of eyes feels hot. She's right, I don't want to lose her. I'm here because I want to save what we have. Why is she saying these things? This is the first time that words genuinely hurt me, I want to cry.

She squeezed her eyes shut and clenched her fist, and then tears started falling from her eyes as she slowly opened them. _Ah, no, I didn't want to make her cry_. "You're.. You are the person I love the most, Reina.", She swallowed hard before speaking again. "But-but I'm not the same to you. Y-You're here because you thought I'm interesting, you got curious and you don't want to lose what you have" she said in the middle of sobbing.

"That's not i-"

"You, asking me out is like a dream come true" she interrupted me. "But I don't settle for superficial relationships" She fixed her eyes on me, I can clearly see the pain in them."Aren't you the same?"

I was dumbfounded once more. Using my principles against me, you're so unfair Kumiko. I can't believe she thinks what we have isn't real. She started walking away, still crying. I didn't say anything as she walks past me, I didn't even watch her leave.

 _You were the one who ended it, why are you the one crying?_

I turned around to see her but she's not there anymore. Once again, I'm left alone. _You really are unfair, Kumiko._

* * *

The sky is so clear and pretty, what a perfect time to play my favorite piece, Symphony No. 9 "From the New World". Practice is over but I don't want to go home yet. I just feel like I really want to play this piece right now. I sat on the floor and placed the sheet music in front of me. I prepared my instrument but my hand won't move. It doesn't feel right. _I want to do something different today_. I closed the sheet music and positioned my trumpet. I will play it by heart just for today. I will temporarily set aside the main reasons I play music, forget the right notes, forget the right tempo, I will let my emotions drive me away from this cruel reality.

Symphony No.9 is Dvorak's most popular work, he wrote the piece in America, influenced by the music he had heard from the Native American and also the places he had seen in the said place. But even though he was in a faraway place, in a different environment, Dvorak wrote the piece while thinking of his homeland, Bohemia. The theme from the second movement, Largo, was even adapted into the spiritual-like song, entitled "Going Home", proving the composer's desire to see his homeland when he's in a barren, brand new world.

That must be the case. You will be able to create a masterpiece when you're doing it for something you long for.

You can bring out the best in you when you do it for something, for someone that means everything to you.

I put down my trumpet, feeling lifeless after releasing my feelings through playing. _Why can't she understand?_

I- I never thought she would reject me like that. It would be acceptable if she just told me that she fell out of love, or that she already like someone else now, but saying that she didn't want a superficial relationship? It was too insulting. It took a lot of courage for me to convey everything but she just took everything in a bad way. It's not like I asked her out on impulse, I did a lot of thinking and realizing that I don't ever want to lose her, I decided not to waste time and ask her out. Was it still not love? She could just tell me then, because I'm getting really tired.

What is it that she wants? Does she really think I'm a know it all type of person? It's impossible for me to read her mind when she's being really difficult. It wasn't until recently that I learned to understand others, that I found out how important she really is to me. I thought that's what she wanted, that's why I confessed.

But to think she thought I was just playing, making light of her feelings. She is the one who's doing it. I was suggesting a superficial relationship? Don't you dare tell me how I feel!

 _Y-You're here because you thought I'm interesting._ I really do, I honestly thought you were different from anyone else.

 _You got curious._ I know, it was only just curiosity at first.

 _And you don't want to lose what you have_. No! I don't want to lose what we have! And yet, you didn't even hear me out.

I lay down on the floor and placed the back of my hand on my closed eyes. It hurts, I just want this heavy feelings inside me to go away. My throat is starting to hurt, but no, I didn't cry then and I am not going to cry now. I'm getting tired, of misunderstanding things, of getting misunderstood, of feeling this way. It's ruining me. I've had enough.

I felt the rain falling on my face. Come on now, the sky was so clear when I got here. _Does the rain sympathize with me?_

I left the rooftop and started walking down the hallway; I can't get myself sick now. The competition is coming, so I need to redeem myself. I will focus on the competition and set aside the things that don't do me any good for now.

"Kousaka-san!" I turned around and saw my band mate. "Good thing you're still here, the third years have something to say! Let's go to the music room"

We went back to the music room and all members of the band were still there. _Including her._ Damn it! Pull yourself together, Reina!

"It seems like everyone is here now. So let's start this meeting", the president said, she and all of the seniors are in front of us."So, I guess everyone here knows that the cultural festival will be held before the competition. And to be honest, we really like to have the best performance on that day"

This is bad, I have a really bad feeling about this.

"I know that the competition is really important but is it okay with you guys to decrease the practice time for Crescent Moon Dance until the end of the cultural festival? We want to perfect our piece for the festival. We will just double down after that and focus on the competition. We promise you that"

No, no, the competition is really close. We can't let our guard down.

"We're planning to tell our adviser if you all agreed to it. So what do you all th-"

"I don't really see the point of doing that" I interrupted her. Everyone looked at me with wide-eyes. "Our goal is to win the Nationals, the competition must always be our top priority, right senpai?"

"W-well, I know that Kousaka-san but we just thought that-

"Kousaka-san, aren't you being a little too inconsiderate here huh?" Yoshikawa-senpai interrupted the president this time, glaring at me.

I stayed silent, not because I'm being ashamed or what. I was just being polite because she's an upperclassman but even if I'm learning to be considerate to others, there's no way I'll let them influence my decisions.

"Ah-uhm ,let us just write our answers on a paper and submit them today, okay? Then we'll settle with the decision of the majority", our president said, trying to fix the mood.

It certainly didn't fix my mood though. I was already upset before this and I am even more upset now. Bad things keep on happening and my patient is running out. I want to go home. I wrote "I'm not fine with it" on a paper and submitted it immediately.

" _What a mood killer, that girl"_

" _And I thought she was getting better, it looks like I'm wrong"_

" _Arrogant as always"_

Ah, this atmosphere. It was just like the first day of school. People are saying things behind my back again. I walked out the room alone, _I really wanna go home._


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Walk, walk, walk. Don't mind the things their saying, don't mind the looks everyone's giving to you. Just walk, you did the right thing, Reina. Don't let those normal people influence you, don't blend in with the crowd. Do want you think is right, do what you want.

"Reina!"

My heart almost jumped after hearing that familiar voice. I stopped walking and turned around slowly, hesitating whether if it's really okay to face her now or not. "Kumiko", I muttered, with a low voice, almost like a whisper.

She stopped running. She bends her neck and faced the ground, placing both her hands just above her knees, she's panting and running out of breath from running. I don't know how to express what I feel right now but, seeing her right in front of me in this kind of moment makes me want to cry.

She finally lifted her head. "Why did you do that?!"

I was startled; I didn't expect her to yell at me. I looked down at the floor, realizing that I might have shown her a silly expression just now. _I was so foolish to think that she came here to side with me, to become a villain with me._

Of course she wouldn't. After all, she doesn't want people to hate her. She doesn't want them to think ill of her, her good-girl face wants to get along with everyone. She's here to scold me. Damn, I am so disappointed. I remained silent, I don't feel like explaining everything to her right now.

Noticing my silence, Kumiko clenched her fist. When my eyes caught that, I immediately looked up and saw her glaring at me. I feel like my heart is being ripped out, I never thought she will give me that same look as the others. I bit my lower lip, so hard that it almost bled. All the unpleasant feelings are building up inside me; anger, irritation, pain, bitterness. I don't want to continue this conversation, it's better to end this now or else I will break down.

With a glazed look in my eyes, I spoke in a very low voice. "It's none of your business"

"Why are you being so stubborn, Reina?", Kumiko sounded irritated but her expressions says otherwise, it's like she's pleading with me. "Are you trying to throw away the bond you've been working hard to build?"

"…."

Bonding with people, understanding people and their feelings. That's right; I was working really hard for that these past few months. I had a lot of fun, I don't regret trying to understand them. Doing that made me realize my mistakes, and see the good things about playing with other people.

It was all thanks to this girl in front of me. _But please don't get me wrong, Kumiko. I still don't plan on losing sight of my goal._

"Why did you say those things, Reina? You always-"

"Because I wanted to say them", I interrupted her. "Those were the things I truly wanted to say, Kumiko" I am not going to change myself for others. Understanding them, and being influenced by them are two different things. I am not fine with the latter. I thought I made it clear from the beginning, I thought she understood. "Prioritizing the cultural festival over the competition? Why? Because it's more fun?"

Kumiko stayed silent for several seconds, and then she looked straight in my eyes. "Yeah, I know, I get what you mean, but the way you said it was-"

"I do what I want to do" I interrupted her once again, tired of hearing those words from her again and again. I am not her, she doesn't have the right to tell me what to do. "I do things my way, I say the things I want to say, I don't lie to myself." My eyes pierced her to the core. I know you understand what I'm saying Kumiko. After all, aren't these your words?

 _"Yeah we are frank, sometimes inconsiderate but we're not lying to ourselves."_

I remember the things she said that made me want her to be my friend. When I conceded that I have a terrible personality, she threw the right words.

I continued, "Aren't you the same?", using her own question from the last time we talked. I saw the pain in her eyes, it made me avert my gaze even though I was the one provoking her."Please, please don't try to rub off your good girl façade on me" I said in a very low voice, like a part of me don't want her to hear it at all.

Silence covered the whole atmosphere, it was deafening. I'm still not looking her away, I'm afraid to see her expression. I'd rather die than take back what I said. Kumiko took a step back, I faced her and gave her a questionable look. After a few seconds, she turned her back on me and then started running. I took a step forward on impulse and tried to run after her but I immediately stopped myself.

I lowered my head, closed my eyes and held my own hand firmly. I don't want to see her leaving. It's just going to hurt me even more. And I don't even know what to say if I go after her. Everything I'll say will just make everything worse. So yeah, this is fine. This is totally fine. We'll just keep fighting if I go after her. After all, we're different. I thought I have found someone who's the same as me but I was wrong. She's totally different from me, she cares too much about what other people think. She's always playing safe, she wanted to blend in with the others. And those were the things I despise the most. That's right, we're different, we are not the same at all. So, this is fine. Yeah, this is fine. This is fin- ….. _Shit_.

Before I knew it, I was running down the stairs. _Where is she_? I reached the ground floor and run to her classroom. Not here! I continued running around, checking every place that she might have gone to. Just where the hell is she? I checked every classroom but she's nowhere to be found. I reached the last possible place, the shoe locker, but she wasn't there too.

 _Hah_. I'm running out of breath. I sat on the floor and leaned my back on the lockers. I was breathing heavily and my hands won't stop shaking. Damn it, just what am I doing? I keep blowing things up even though I'm the one who can't even take this kind of situation. The only person to blame is me, I'm always being hot-headed. Ah damn it, I didn't want things to end this way. I rested my forehead on my knees. _I'm such an idiot._

* * *

 _*Crash!*_

The air is suddenly rent by the sound of a broken glass. The glass that was filled with water just a moment ago until I violently smashed it to the ground. I'm so upset, upset with myself for hurting Kumiko. Deep down, I clearly know she meant well. But I didn't like her approach so I snapped at her. That was so stupid of me.

I walked towards the couch and lay down on it. Forget practicing, I can't even think straight right now. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. _Control yourself, Reina. Think. How will you fix everything?_ I closed my eyes and rested the back of my clenched fist on my face. What should I do? What if she hates me now? What will I do if she doesn't forgive me? I don't even want to imagine how much it would hurt me.

I don't think what I said was wrong but I didn't want to hurt her. I honestly didn't want to part with her. No matter how much I convinced myself that it's better to leave the situation as it is, my heart just won't agree with me. This is different from what I felt before. Even after finding out that we're actually different, I am still afraid of losing her. And this isn't just about possession, it contains a very deep feeling to it. A feeling that I can't control, it's affection. Yeah, I do like her. I really like her and she doesn't even know it yet. I blew up everything even though I haven't even told her my feelings yet.

I suddenly lifted my upper body after realizing something. So, that's it. Damn, I'm such an idiot. So that's why she took my confession the bad way. What I did was so insulting after all. She was… she was right all along. I was just afraid of losing her that time, and that feeling wasn't enough. That wasn't love. I was being possessive, that confession was a mistake. I placed my palm on my forehead, I worked hard to understand other people but I didn't even try to understand myself.

 _I'm sorry, Kumiko. I love you, I miss you so much._

* * *

"I have an announcement to make everyone, please be seated", our president said. Everyone puts down their instrument and went to their respective seat, including me."So about the thing we discussed last Friday, the majority agreed on prioritizing the cultural festival for now. I already talked to our adviser and he agreed to it, so…" the president paused and turned her face to our section, she specifically looked at me."So, that's how it is Kousaka-san, I'm sorry but please do not worry, we promise you that we will advance to the Nationals"

Well, I guess there's nothing I can do about this. It's not like I didn't expect this. Then we just have to double down after the cultural festival. It's still disappointing but more importantly… I stood up and then bowed my head, "I understand. I'm really sorry for being so inconsiderate"

When I lifted my head, I saw everyone giving me the surprised look. Then, the president responded, "E-eh? Forget about it Kousaka-san. You were just voicing out your opinion. Anyway, you can take your break everyone! We'll continue practicing after the break"

It was getting awkward so I quickly took my trumpet and went to the rooftop. The air is refreshing and it's getting even colder here. Not that I hate it though. While I am preparing my trumpet, the door suddenly opened.

"Wa, it's really cold here!" said the girl who just came out. "Can I join you for today?"

I smiled at her. "Feel free to, Yoshikawa-senpai. It's not like I own this spot"

She sat beside me and took out her trumpet. A minute have passed but she's still just holding it, it seems like she doesn't plan to play anything. She looks like she wanted to say something. "Is this about the cultural festival?" I spoke, since it looks like she's struggling to start a conversation.

She stared at me with wide eyes, "You don't really beat around the bush huh"

I chuckled a little after hearing that from her. "I guess that's just who I am"

The corner of her lips rose and a small laugh escaped from them. The mood has finally lightened. "I'm really sorry about that, but do you understand why the seniors want to have the best performance on that day?"

I placed my trumpet on my lap and lowered my head, feeling a little guilty. "Yeah, it's their last year, they want to show every students here the best performance ever"

"So you do understand" Yoshikawa-senpai said.

I focused my gaze on her and smiled at her. "But sorry senpai, I still think it's pointless, after all" That's how I really feel, I will say it even if will make you hate me.

She let out a small laugh, "Hah, so cruel. Anyway, stop apologizing already. Oumae-san already explained your part. She told us how important the competition is to you. " I froze, not sure how to react upon hearing it."But it looks like things aren't going well between the two of you. Is everything alright?"

 _Kumiko, you're really nice to a fault. I don't think I deserve such treatment after all the things I've said to you._

"Yeah, well… no. I tried making up with her but it didn't work" I looked up at the sky, remembering the things I said to Kumiko at that time. "It lacked something"

Yoshikawa-senpai raised an eyebrow. "Something?"

I smiled at her. "Something you wouldn't understand, senpai". After saying that, an idea suddenly struck me.

"Senpai, is it okay if I do something at the cultural festival?"


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 (End)

Love is foolish.

It makes the wisest individual a fool literally. It can get you wrapped around someone's fingers, it can dictate you to do things that will benefit someone, but will most likely destroy you. You make a certain person the center of your world, you only think about them and their happiness, even though that person hurts you all the time, makes you cry and then leaves you behind in the end despite all the things you have done for them. You often forget about yourself. You even forget that there are billions of other people in the whole world and among them might be the right person that will likely makes you happier. You focus on the person that doesn't deserve your love at all. You give your love to the wrong person. 9 out 10 said it happens all the time, thus proving that love is really foolish.

Love is illogical.

You know you are digging your own grave, and in the end, you still lie in it. You are perfectly aware of the consequences of loving a person and yet you still chose to be with them. You love a person that doesn't love you back. You know you will gain nothing from loving them and yet you still give everything you have for them. Your stupid heart clings to the slight chance that they will eventually fall for you even if their words and actions say otherwise. 9 out of 10 said it happens all the time. Everything about love is illogical.

That's right; love is truly foolish and illogical. It takes all of you. But there is a certain truth about love, that despite every bad thing about it, one can't help but fall in love. Love takes all and gives all; it is wrong sometimes but feels right every time. 10 out of 10 agreed to that.

 _I used to be indifferent about it but now, I just can't help it. I'm a victim of love too._

I stood in front of the mirror once again; I pulled my tie knot side to side to loosen it. I frowned after seeing the outcome. _Geez, I look like a delinquent with this_. I was about to reach my tie and fix it but my hand stopped moving. My heart starts beating rapidly. Damn, I know this feeling. I'm getting nervous. Today is the first day of the cultural festival and our band is going to perform a two classical pieces. But it is not the reason why I'm nervous. Today, I will finally tell Kumiko how I feel about her, and I'll make sure she will believe me this time. Because this time, it's real. So there is no need to be nervous, relax yourself, Reina.

I looked at myself in the mirror once again, I'm about to do something different so I guess it's all right to have a different look today. I took my bag and went out of my room. I will honestly face her today.

* * *

I positioned the sheet music and looked at Asuka-senpai, waiting for her signal to start our performance. I immediately positioned my trumpet when I saw her raising the baton. Today, we will show everyone the fruit of our efforts. The two classical pieces that we're playing today aren't particularly hard, I honestly think that they weren't good enough for our level but even so, the wide smiles and glowing eyes I'm currently seeing in the audience's faces are enough for me to be satisfied.

As if my eyes can never stay still, I found myself looking at the girl two rows in front of me. I'm so glad that the bass players are always in front of us, I can look at her all I want and she wouldn't notice my gaze. Oh that's right, Asuka-senpai is our conductor for today, I hope Kumiko will stay calm until the end despite being the sole euphonium player today. _But hearing her part right now, I guess there's no need for my concern._ She really is great; she can still play like this despite the pressure and despite everything that happened. Music is still a part of her, I feel like I can see her feelings through her music.

The first pieced ended and I didn't even notice it. I was too absorbed in thoughts about Kumiko, but surprisingly, it made my performance even better. Love truly has its good points, after all. All members of our band stood up to mark the end of our first performance. After the applause, everyone took their seats again, both the audience and the members of the band, there is still one more piece to play after all.

But here I am, still standing. Holding my trumpet firmly, I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to calm myself. _You're ready for this, Reina. You want to do this, so you will do it. That's how things work for you, right?_ _Tell her your feelings right now!_ I opened my eyes and saw everyone looking strangely at me, including Kumiko. Asuka-senpai is giving me a questioning look. Sorry senpai, just give me a moment please.

I focused my gaze at Kumiko, she looks so confused and bothered that it's making me lose my courage. Does she know what I'm about to do? Then why is she making that kind of face? Ah right, people are looking. They are going to judge me, they are going to judge us. Kumiko wouldn't want that. She doesn't want people to hate her or say something bad about her. She has an image to protect. What should I do, then? Should I just tell her everything after the performance and make it our secret? No, I don't want that! That's like living a lie, besides, whatever I do, people will always have something to say about it. And I'm just making assumptions, Kumiko wanted to know my true feelings, she wouldn't hate this. If I'm going to tell her my feelings, the people around us will be the last thing I'll care about. I turned my eyes on the audience, on my band mates and then I look at Kumiko again. I can see in her eyes that she's worrying about me. I am not sure if she will like this or not, but I love her so much that I want to scream it out.

That's it. Screw everything. Heteronormativity and normality be damned! A person in love is the bravest one alive. I love her and I'm going to tell her my feelings right here, right now.

"Kumiko", after saying her name, the corners of my lips rose and my eyes lit up. It's like all the worries I have earlier disappeared in an instant. "I really like you. So much" After showing her another smile, I sat down.

I could hear different reactions from my band mates and the audiences. Some are cheering for me while some are whispering things I bet I wouldn't like to hear. Asuka-senpai broke the commotion by raising the baton. And so we started playing the second piece.

* * *

 _Okay, done. Now, time to go to her._

I just finished my shift in our haunted house booth. I wasn't able to talk to Kumiko after the performance because of some urgent task in my class, and it looks like she needed to do her duty in her class too. I was teased by so many people, especially our senpais after the performance. Kumiko has a lot of friends so I bet she had it rougher than me.

I went to her classroom but her classmates told me that she already left. Then I went to the music room but she's not there either. After that, I decided to go to the rooftop. Maybe she's there, waiting for me. I'm starting to feel nervous as I walked up the stairs. When I reached the top, I slowly turned the doorknob clock wise and opened the door in front of me.

I took a small and quiet step and entered the rooftop. Turning my head left and right, looking for Kumiko.

But she is not here.

I sat on the floor. I am so exhausted, from walking around the school and everything. But I really want to see Kumiko right now, I don't care about anything else, I just want to see her. I will tell her I love her once more and then ask her out properly this time.

I closed my eyes and buried my face in my hands. I can see Kumiko, just inside my head but I can still see her, and it's helping me to feel relaxed. I really like her. At first, she caught my interest because she's just like me, but I fell in love with her after realizing that we were really different. We have the same goal, we desire the same thing, but how we approach and do things for it are different. We play the same songs, but we have different styles of playing. The way we deal with people and the way we deal with their feelings and everything. It's conflicting, but despite all of that, we are still drawn to each other. Just like the two sides of the same coin. We see things differently and yet we remained the closest to each other.

"Reina!"

I stood up and turned around after hearing Kumiko. As soon as her eyes met mine, tears started falling from her eyes.

I smiled at her, there are so many things I want to ask and tell her but I'll just go with the most important ones. "I'm sorry. For saying rude things before, for hurting you, for everything." She wasn't able to say anything as she was still sobbing. I walked towards her to close the distance between us. "B-but I love you", my voice started to crack. I felt my throat tightening up. "I don't care if it's too late and if you think that it's still not love, then it's the best I have." It's the best I can offer. This is the first time I've felt this strong for someone, if it's not love, then I don't care what love is."Please go out with me"

Her eyes didn't blink for a couple of seconds, and then she closed her eyes and lowered her head. Still crying, Kumiko started speaking."I wanted to have a talk with you before the performance, but I got scared and changed my mind" she stopped for a moment, raising her head and fixing her gaze on me. "And I'm so glad I did that"

My mouth gaped open, not just because of what she said but mainly because of the expression she has now. With tears still falling from her warm eyes, she revealed a bright smile, one that I haven't seen in a while. It's like a piece of art, so beautiful that I might never forget it even if I die."What you did earlier was the best thing that ever happened in my life"

She took my hand, I can feel her warmth. "I'm sorry for the things I said before too, I believe you and", she suddenly embraced me. "Yes, I'll go out with you, I really love you too".

"Of-of course you do", because of the shock and everything that happened, I ended up uttering the most stupid reply to a confession.

She chucked a little, "As expected from Reina, first you stole the show earlier and now, this. You really are Reina"

"What's that supposed to me-"

"I love you" She cut me off, tightening her embrace. I can't help but smile at her action. I gently grab her shoulders and slowly freed myself from the hug. Seeing her beautiful face, I started wiping her tears. She looked really beautiful but I'd rather not see her cry.

"I love you more" I flashed her a gentle smile before pressing my lips against hers. I can taste her tears but it still felt so good. Her lips were so soft that I want to stay like this forever. This is perfect."Do you want to go all the way?" I said during the kiss.

Kumiko immediately pulled herself away from me, her face turning red with embarrassment. I can't help but laugh at her usual Kumiko'ish reaction. "W-w-what are you saying Reina? I've been noticing it a lot, you like these things too much, you really are a pervert!"

I chuckled, "Waaa, so rude. I was just kidding though", she uttered a simple "eh?" with a low voice. "Oh, are you perhaps, disappointed?", I grinned at her, seeing her face turning red once again.

"A-anyway, it's the cultural festival. We shouldn't just stay here, let's go!" she took my hand and we started walking.

This is officially the happiest day of my life. So many things have happened, and I know that there'll be more annoying things that we have to face in the future. And given that we're different, we might have misunderstandings too. But we can overcome everything, as long as we have each other.

* * *

(END)

Afterword: Rushed but I wanted to finish it now or I'll never get the chance. I'll be graduating in April and will start preparing for my board exam. And adding my piano lessons, I bet I'll be very busy. I will still write more Kumirei stories in the future, but ones with psychological touch in it. I like that type of story. I actually had a hard time finishing this because it's too "normal", but I'm still glad I wrote this story.

English is not my first language, so sorry again for the wrong grammar, spellings and other mistakes, I'm too lazy to check them. Anyway, thanks for the reviews, I really appreciate them. But more importantly, thanks for reading my story!


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